Today we have a new update on Dave’s page – you can find it here.
It is now over nine months since Dave left the Civil Service and his wife, June, is still waiting for him to find a “proper job”.
She would like him to be earning enough to give extra financial support to their grown up children and their families.
June has clear ideas for the kind of job she would like him to take.
She knows he is more relaxed now than when he was at work. She had reason to be grateful that he was around at home when she broke her ankle and then her wrist. But she thinks if he can find a “professional” job locally they can have the best of both worlds.
Dave doesn’t agree. He thinks the children should be independent by now and he is developing quite different ideas about how he wants to spend his time.
When we lose a job, the ramifications can be wide. Certainly it can mean big changes for close family and dependents. In the present financial climate, parents do provide extra financial support to grown up children. It hurts when you can no longer do it.
Most people don’t welcome an enforced change in their life style. Change of any kind is stressful and feelings of guilt and shame make things worse!
Loss of a job can mean a loss of status and that is hard to bear and not just for the person being made unemployed.
In times like this families need each other. They need to share the grief and disappointment. Above all they need to talk to each other and to work out a future together, with support from coaches and counselors when they are available.
Now is the time to share feelings and anxieties and to work together. There is a good future ahead but you need to help each other to find it. Don’t let getting there tear you apart!
Wendy Mason is a Coach, Consultant and Blogger. She works with all kinds of people going through many different kinds of personal and career change, particularly those wanting to increase their confidence. If you would like support finding your way successfully through the career change maze, Wendy would like to work with you. Also you can find her Learn to Be Confident Program at this link. You can contact Wendy at wendymason@confidencecoach.me or ring ++44 (0)2084610114
Hi Wendy – interesting conudrum and one I have also come across, Boomers beating themselves up for not being able to support adult kids. This is very much about generational expectations. I’m assuming Dave’s kids aren’t starving!
Sometimes one person breaking the family dynamic causes ripples in the pond. In this case it is a person losing his job. I have found there can be great value in involving the spouse in the transition coaching process. This helps iron out all disappointments and mis matched expectations, when life goes unexpectedly off plan and leads to the creation of new goals as a couple.
Alternatively , as the expectations in this case are now June’s, perhaps there is something she can do to meet those goals herself as they are no longer part of Dave’s plan!
Complex!
Thanks Dorothy – yes there will further news about Dave and his family this week – I suspect there are quite a lot more challenges ahead and they (and others) will value our advice.